Selections from the 2006 Skit

NPR ANNOUNCER: Shortly before completing the degree, the graduate student starts a series of interviews for jobs.

B: Hello. I Borat from Glorius Republic of Kazakhstan. Today we demonstrate mock interview. This where we make fun of job candidate. It like joke because there really is no job. Another word for mock interview is job interview NOT!!

People from Kazakhstan think I giv too much publicity for Kazakhstan. They say let other country have honor. So today, I pretend I am from Slovenia. Slovenia much like Kazakhstan, but with inferior potassium.

B: Hello, I Borat from Glorious Republic of …. Slovenia …..School of Mines

A: Hello, I am here about the faculty position

B: I see, for your husband?

A: I’m not married

B: Niiicce. I not married either. My wife die in tragic accident. High five!

My neighbor shot her 40 times. He thought she was Uzbek tourist.

I now looking for new wife.

A: Well, I am here for the interview.

B: Well you very nice. But I not want you for wife. I want to marry daughter of our President Bush.

A: He has two daughters. They’re twins.

B: Niice.

A: Look can we talk about the job

B: You have doctor degree?

A: Yes

B: You can teach potassium economics?

A: Yes

B: You are woman?

A: Yes

B: Of course. NOT! So do you know President Bush?

MUSIC__SOME SORT OF FOLK INSTRUMENTAL—LUNASA

NPR ANNOUNCER: National Public Radio brings you Story Corps—interviews between ordinary people talking about their ordinary lives. Today we hear the story of Artemus and Daryl, bachelor farmers from State Center, Iowa.

Two geezers sitting on chairs

A: I can remember back there in the Depression me and Daryl was havin a hard go of it on the farm

D: Yup

A: We was about to go broke but then the Prohibition hit and we got into producin

D: corn licker

A: And we made enough on the moonshine that we saved the farm. And then there was that time in the 60s when we was in trouble again

D:Yup

A: But we got into producin the

D: Marijuana

A: and the

D: Mushrooms

A: and we made enough money to save the farm. And then the Russian grain deal hit back in 73

D: Yup

A: and we made so much money that we started partying with that

D: Marijuana

A: and them

D: Mushrooms

A: When we regained consciousness in 1982, we found out we had bought 25 hundred acres on 18 percent interest. We was in a heap a hurt

D: Yup

A: and then we

D: Sued the bank for lendin us the money

A: Got em for unfair practices for givin us the money and

D: expectin us to pay it back

A: And we saved the farm. Well we’ve been sitting pretty good for the last 15 years. Course now that both of us are in our 90s, we been getting nostalgic for them old days.

D: Yup

A: We done gone back to our roots makin corn licker, only now we call it

D: ethanol

A: We been makin so much money on producin the ethanol that Ol Daryl and me have been thinkin of goin completely out of producin

D: Meth amphetemene.

Music starts

NPR ANNOUNCER: This has been another presentation from Story Corps. If you have a story to tell, contact your local NPR station. This invitation not open to members of the Republican Party.

NPR ANNOUNCER: PhD economists find work in an array of interesting jobs. Brady Breedlove found work at the Council of Economic Advisers. He finds the work rewarding, but he has had troubled adjusting to the social life in Washington.

Tune( ABBA: Under Attack)

Don’t know where I’m goin

What I’m gonna do

My invitation just came through

To go hunting with Dick Cheney

And it frightens me so

I’m gonna shoot him

I hear he’s been drinking, he can drink til late

Straight shots but he can’t shoot straight

Cause hunting with Dick Cheney

Is a terrible fate

Under attack

I can’t evade his

Shots in the back

They hurt like Hades

Won’t somebody please have a heart

Cause he’s loaded and cocked

And I’ll blow you apart

Under attack

I’m drinkin bloodies

He’s shooting doves and hunting buddies

Won’t somebody call 911

Cause my bleeding is worse and I’m not having fun

What’s he gonna do and what’s he doing now

The son of a bitch shot a cow

I thought it was a zebra

Or maybe Colin Powell

Under attack

Thank God for camo

I’m out of beer and out of ammo

So ends the last Cheney attack

For the next hunting trip let’s send him off to Iraq

NPR ANNOUNCER: Following his last hunting trip, Texas Rangers cut off Vice President Cheney’s trigger finger.

You know the scariest thing about Dick Cheney? He’s supposed to be the smart one.

NPR ANNOUNCER: Every four years, Iowa State graduate students anxious to make connections with Washington powerbrokers lobby for internships with Presidential campaigns.

A: Mrs. Clinton, who are you taking to the Iowa caucus?

H: I’m holding out for my main man

A: Well I have Senator Biden on line 2

H: Tell him to hold

A: and Senator Edwards on line 3

H: Hold

A: and Governor Vilsack is still holding on line 1

H: When did he call

A: Last Tuesday

H: The man can’t take a hint. But has my man called?

A: Sorry no

H: SIGH

(Holding a picture of Bill Clinton)
Tune ABBA: Mama Mia
I've been cheated by you since i don't know when.
So I made up my mind to give up on men
  (Rips picture)
Look at me now, will I ever learn
I don't know how but I suddenly lose control
There's a fire within my soul
Just one look and I can hear a bell ring
One more look and I forget everything

 (holds up picture of Barack Obama. Others enter holding Obama photos)

ALL: Barack Obama, here we go again
My my, how can we resist you
Obama mia, does it show again
My my, just how much we missed you
All the blue states were dropping

(HILLARY ALONE) Since Bill went intern shopping

But now, we have our new hero
Obama mia, now we really know
My my, we could never let you go

A: (squeeling) Mrs. Clinton—he’s on line four!!!

”