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[Economist in formal conservative attire. Foot on chair, facing stage left. Phone in hand.]

Moderator:Before we get back to our late night movie, James Bruning, Earl Dowell,Milton Glick, Martin Jischke, Lee Jones, Robert Rutford, and Gershon Vinkow in All the President's Men, we bring you this word from the Iowa State Extension Service.

A:Hi. Everyone needs someone to talk to about those special questions. Maybe I can help. I'm an economist. Now there's a phone number you can call 24 hours a day. You might need some advice on dynamic hedging strategies. Or perhaps you need an economist's point of view. Or maybe you just need a soft, smiling voice. I can talk macro or micro. So call me.

Announcer:The phone number is 1 900 ISU Extension... That's 1 900 ISU Extension

[phone rings]

A:Call me. Let me be your friend on the other end.

Army Advertisement

[Graduate student at desk loaded with printouts. CARD logo and an American flag in background. People Humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic in background. Student is writing a letter by dim light.]

Moderator:Before returning to our late night movie, Hafez Assad and George Bush in The Odd Couple, we bring you this message from the Iowa State Department of Economics.

B:Dear Dad. Today we had to make a presentation to a government agency. They had paid us sixty thousand dollars and they wanted results. I was kind of nervous, seeing as this was my first oral presentation. The fact that we had just started working on the project the night before didn't help either.

Still, I remember what you always told me, dad. There's no challenge too big for a man with grit and determination. So I ran some regressions and made the presentation, and they bought it. They've extended the contract for another sixty thousand dollars. Which reminds me of that other thing you always said. There's no story too farfetched for the USDA if you give them the answer that they want.

Announcer:The Center for Agricultural and Rural Development. We run more regressions by 9:00 A.M. than most people run all day.

B:Research assistance. It's not a job. It's an adventure.

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Going Out of Business

Moderator:We will return to our late night movie, Francis Ford Coppolla's musical about the glamourous life of a graduate student, Pennies from Heaven, after a word from our sponsor.

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Lincoln Tech

Moderator:Before we return to our late night movie about balancing the budget, Terry Branstad and State Treasurer Michael Fitzgerald in Dances with Wolves at the Door, we bring you this message from Iowa State Tech.

[Student is attending lecture along with several other students. Professor is at front of room. Supply and Demand on graph.]

[hold up sign saying, "Econ 201: A Dramatization]

Professor:And so you see that if we were at equilibrium, it would be a wonderful world.....

A:I could teach this class if only someone would give me the chance. But they only let people with Ph.D.s teach. I'll probably get stuck in some high-paying private sector job and never get to see another class of principles of economics again.

B:Have you ever been caught in the same Catch 22? You have the ability but not the experience? There is an alternative: Iowa State Tech. You want classroom experience, and we will give it to you. Not just the small classes you find elsewhere. We'll give you hands on experience in the biggest classes around.

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[rejoin class, but now A is at the front. Hold up sign saying, "Econ 201: yet another dramatization.]

B:Oh please. Tell us the part again about the equilibrium.

A:I'd be happy to. Teaching assistance. My ticket to the future.

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Moderator:Before we return to our late movie, Rosanne Barr and Tom Arnold in Moby Dick gets Married, a word from our sponsor.

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